do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
