I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
