i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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