i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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