I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
