I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will be naked everywhere
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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