i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As shirtless as possible
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
