I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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