did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
