you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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