hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
