He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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