Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
