Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need water and some morals
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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