I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
