He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
