Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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