Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
love makes seman taste better
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
