we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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