Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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