So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
