the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
how does that bad decision feel?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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