mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
