hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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