he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
