I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
