If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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