I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
