my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
