hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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