I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
