Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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