Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
