halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
