When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
