We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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