Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
