Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
