Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
so much tequila, so little girl.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
