last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
