She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
