What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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