Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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