Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
