last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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