Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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