i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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