I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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