Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
