New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
