i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im holly from the hills drunk
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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