I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
