My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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