Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
