I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
