ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They are going to name an STD after you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
