We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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