A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
