arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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