she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
