the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
