I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
