hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
