I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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