I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
