She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
