Only a mothe r could love this liver
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
