Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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